if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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