I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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