woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
