woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
