Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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