I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
