either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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