By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
