i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
