Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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