I look better un-naked...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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