I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
