I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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