Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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