My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
