All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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