So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
