atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
