There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
