you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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