Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
