my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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