We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She bit a glass in half.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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