Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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