I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's official drugs can't kill me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
