No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
