the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
