She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
