I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
