He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need to calm my uterus...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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