had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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