If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
