All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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