woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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