Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
