i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
