just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
