If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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