sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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