if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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