Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
