The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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