Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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