fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
