So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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