i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I didn't notice because vodka
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
