i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what day is it and did you see me today?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
