He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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