You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
