Your face is a jimmy john
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
