1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
