Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
