if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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