mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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