My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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