I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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