Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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