if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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