it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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