**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
