Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
